You often hear this being mentioned in self-improvement circles about how your thoughts, perceptions, beliefs and feelings are felt by all the people around you… more commonly said, “Whatever goes on inside is visible on the outside” and if it’s not… well, “I am safe” then.
I met one such person lately and he said, that even in the face of turmoil inside and outside, he seems to have come out unscathed because no one could quite see it and neither has anyone even mentioned it. Upon deeper conversation, I asked a simple question and that is, “How do you actually feel right now… about yourself and your life?” … he replied… “Yucky but you wouldn’t know would you?” It was more a matter of external approval that was his yardstick for taking or not taking action.
Storing & Piling
Some of us don’t even realize that because of the unconscious repeated patterns of storing & suppressing our worries/problems, the pile is actually building. Many have the misconception that if those feelings of yesterday don’t bug me today, I am fine and the problem is gone. You can’t blame yourself for not knowing because our best gauge is how we feel the next day and thereafter but your subconscious mind serves that function of suppressing destructive feelings so that you can survive the next day and beyond. But, it’s stored for you to survive today and meant for you to revisit and release later and not store it in your ‘bottomless pit’!! Whatever is left open will rot and it certainly deepens the wound with even more toxicity.
Denial & Expression
When one is in deep denial, e.g. sticking with a business partner or a life partner through thick and thin even in the face of constant abuse, criticism, caustic arguments, negative energy… we learn to build a cave around us, hoping to build endurance and an immunity towards to toxic experiences. We adopt new patterns to fight the battles inside and outside of us. What is also important is to take stock at some stage, look at your life and ask if whatever you are facing is an unceasing battle against yourself as a result of the people who are battling you daily outside of yourself—wife/sibling/relative/friend/boss. So, at what cost do we continue to build walls, fences and barriers to protect ourselves?
Small Baby Steps To Ease The Pain
Do not downplay the importance of sharing your issue with someone who is willing to listen. After scouring books, coaching and listening to others, listening to myself and observing what I do, I have come to acknowledge that this has by far been a critical step in my journey towards healing.
Self disclosure allows you to listen to yourself aloud and frame what you want others to know about what & how you are experiencing inside of you. Are you exaggerating your experience? Are you adding new dimensions? Are you not taking any responsibility for something? Are you excluding information that will allow you to notice the issues clearly?
2. See A Therapist
While I wish not to use this platform to sell my services, what the heck, I might as well this time. I do make guarantees with my sessions especially once I know from a 10 min discussion what I am getting into. And it’s unbelievable what a 1 -2 hour session can do for your life. Frequently, getting to the root of the problem does not have to take too long even though you may be far removed from it (distant memory or totally hidden from the jungle of your thoughts and experiences). One session could splinter some of those limiting beliefs and they eventually disintegrate further with a little more work. See www.EQasia.com about the work that we do. But better still, I would like to recommend you to www.garythink.com. If you learn the methods here, you can be free forever from the shackles of destructive emotions and live the life you deserve… one of peace and happiness.
3. Listen To An Expert
Some of the major investments I have are CDs on topics which help me live a better life. I have benefitted greatly from the audio versions of Think & Grow Rich, The Millionaire Next Door, The Last Lecture, How to Win Friends & Influence People and all recordings by Earl Nightingale and Denis Waitley, among many others. You have to get away from listening to yourself all day especially if you are sending yourself destructive messages and yet, still don’t even realize it. Have an expert chat with you… best part, you don’t even have to reply. Just listen.